This will be the most vulnerable and honest post I've ever made!
I'm finally ready to admit to my friends that I'm a VIRGIN!!!
No, that's not my astrological sign. It means I haven't been in pussy since the day I came out one. To quote the song Wet Dreamz by J-Cole.
Celibate, pure, abstinent, immaculate, vestal. Just a few synonyms.
This has always been a very secretive topic of shame and embarrassment for me. I've been to some very dark, scary places where I was unable to speak. The drugs don't work, it just makes it worse.
So I'm officially coming out of the closet as a straight, white, male, Virgin, 31 years old. It's not a dirty word and I'm taking the power back! Not all virgins are nerdy losers who can't get a girl. After all, my business hero Richard Branson named his multi-billion dollar company Virgin Records.
You may be wondering why the hell I'm still a virgin. That's a great question. My best answer is that I've never been able to have sexual intercourse with a woman if we don't connect on an intimate level; emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I sleep alone every night and I honestly can't remember the last time I kissed a woman.
Obviously, there's no such thing as perfection. I don't believe in soul mates and I've never been a religious man in any sense of the word. I choose to call my higher power the Universe. Love is all around us.
I'm typically attracted to women who are unavailable; married, in a relationship, not looking for a partner, and the occasional bi/lesbian. I don't go on dates, Tinder is a waste of time, and honestly a lot of women get on my nerves. Too much sexual tension. My freedom is more important to me than anything else! Yes, that includes financial security.
Back in college, I lived with 17 women in a housing co-op. Sounds amazing, right? It was for awhile until the shit hit the proverbial fan. I eventually started getting out of control, drinking heavily, sending crude messages to my roommates, sneaking into sororities, and just generally being an asshole, until I was banned and ostracized from the community.
I hated my life. Lots of self-loathing. I began looking for outlets to get women. Playing guitar, music festivals, cycling club, smoking weed, hanging out with the so-called cool kids. I considered dropping out of college many times. I wasn't studying, I was bored all the time in class, and my grades were suffering. I wasn't passionate about my major. It was a major pain in the ass and my heart wasn't in it.
However, I stuck to my guns and now I have a really expensive piece of paper I'm not using. No company wants to hire me and I honestly can't blame them. I've been forging my own entrepreneurial path for years and I'm not looking back in regret!
What a relief I learned from my mistakes instead of becoming jaded and cynical towards women. I'm still searching for the love of my life. A woman who really turns on my lights so to speak, sparks my creativity, accepts me for who I am, and understands me better than I do myself. She's out there somewhere and I'm going to keep traveling until she appears when I least expect it.
A wise man recently told me while camping at Cajas National Park, "If you're looking for a woman to make you happy, you will be searching forever, because true happiness comes from within."
I rarely remember my dreams in the morning and have only broken fragments of my childhood memories. I probably need cognitive-behavioral therapy but I'm too focused on other things right now.
My upbringing was quite dysfunctional. Dad was an abusive workaholic and mom had affairs with other men. Needless to say, they are no longer together. Everyone has their faults. I don't blame them. I just want them to be happy and find peace.
My brother and I spent a lot of time together growing up. We haven't seen each other for over 4 years! He's not doing anything with his life. No college education, no job, no travel, nothing. I always try to inspire him from afar but we no longer have a good relationship. This saddens me.
I refuse to follow in my family's footsteps! So far I'm very successful at that part. They've never left the United States. I've been traveling in South America for nearly 6 months! Currently typing this blog post from my fancy hostel in Quito, Ecuador. Next is the Galapagos Islands, Argentina, Chile, Indonesia, and Europe. My goal is to visit 100 countries by the time I'm 35! If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough.
One of the most important decisions you will ever make in life is who you decide to spend the rest of your life with. Don't take it lightly! So many people are ready to rush into marriages and have kids before really getting to know each other first. This is a big mistake. Protect your heart!
The positive thing about being a virgin is... Rather than focus on sex all the time, my mind is freed up to more productive pursuits, such as doing what I love, building a legacy and helping people to realize their full potential. I've yet to figure out exactly how that last part will take shape but I've already escaped the 9-5 grind and I'm well on my way to making a difference in the world!
Believe me, I wish I could just lead a normal life but I don't envision that happening anytime soon. I would love to get married and have kids but I'm also terrified of long-term commitment to another person. Besides, over 50% of marriages end in divorce and I refuse to be just another statistic. For the record, I don't believe in the feasibility of open relationships or polyamory.
After all is said and done, my ultimate goal in life is to travel the world with the woman of my dreams! My Goddess!
I will conclude this personal story with a famous lyric from John Lennon:
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one